Archive | July 2015

City of Joy

Afraid

Afraid I will get yelled at

Looked at with distain

Contempt

Put down . . . .

So I hide here instead

Where I am safe

Where no one can hurt me . . .

But am I happy?

No

I am scared

Scared of you

Scared of your rejection

Your displeasure

I turn away from you

Which hurts you and causes you pain

While I hide here, does anyone win?

No

Everyone loses

And there is no hope for change

As the downward spiral continues

Becoming a free fall . . . .

Do I want change?

Yes, I do.

What needs to happen?

I need to face my fear.

To stand before you

Without pretence

Without barriers

Without the walls up that push you away

You are only you

I am just me . . .

I stand and look at you

I see you are not so terrifying

I see you are a human being

Just like me.

I want to hold you

And remember my love for you.

It is time to drop the

Preconceived irrational perceptions

Dramas and imagined realities

Which are only that

Which I am no longer subject to

From which I can be free

I let the whole world which I was holding up collapse

And the giant dust cloud settle

And be carried away by the winds of change and time

And when all else is fallen

Only you and I remain

I see the true you

And the true me

There is a stillness

An emptiness free of clutter

Free of time

I behold you with the eternal eyes of my soul

Seeing you for the first time in this world

In this incarnation

You who I have known since time eternal

I smile

A mixture of relief

Release

Knowing that I have made it

This tremendous incredible journey has finally ended

The finish line crossed

The chapter completed

And the saga put to rest.

I look out upon a new world

A world that is different

Without reference points

Uncharted seas and lands.

My old life is no more.

Slowly catching my breath

After the extraordinary exertion

of running with my legs tied together

and dragging a 100 pound weight

I rise to the surface panting

Exhausted on the beach of time

Ready to rebuild

My city of Troy which was destroyed.

Who are you?

Who am I?

Where shall we go?

I step forth

Into who I always was

Awakening to this new beginning

Of conscious awareness

I step into the light

Without fear

Without longing

Whole and complete

I contemplate you.

My heart opens

I see our lives together

I feel what joy feels like

Acceptance

Love

Oneness and difference

All that is.

One.

Sat June 27th, 2015.  7:30 am Wakefield.

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